Loss

Life has major twists and turns, doesn't it? Things you never imagined you would deal with. Full of gifts and losses. Sometimes the losses are unbearable. Changing directions and finding a way to fill the incredible hole left... Amazing how difficult it can be to move forward. To find a way to function around the hole. Even to see all the positive things that still surround you. To see the lifeline and grab on to it, when what you really want is what you lost.

Learning Mehndi

I am learning the art of mehndi, applying henna paste to the hands and feet to stain the skin to achieve a temporary "tattoo". This is done traditionally as part of the wedding preparation in some cultures. A friend I made through SILC apparently has faith in my artistic ability, because he asked me to do mehndi at a summer festival before I had even begun to learn the art, and asked me again for several other festival occasions, and has now given my name to a young woman seeking an artist for bridal mehndi!! Now, I love the opportunities and the art itself, and I am pursuing excellence in henna work. But I am a beginner. I think I will stick to less dense, more open patterns as much as possible. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I took my last leftover cone of henna and tried to approximate from insomnia glazed memory a gorgeous design I saw here: DarcitaNanda's Henna It's not a close approximation, and I used the hand a couple times before the paste was dry so squished it in a few places... It's nowhere near as fine as the beautiful original. But a record of my first attempt :).

Emmett'sTrick or Treating Experience

We got such a kick out of Emmett tonight while we walked the neighborhood, that I thought I'd share. In the creation phase, he got a little tired of the Elmo outfit he fell in love with and selected for himself. He said it was 'scratchy' and 'I not wear it!' Thankfully, there were a few furry suit-free days, and when he saw his big brother and sister getting decked out he was ready to try it again. He was full of excitement when we started and was running with Clara to each door and letting the "Trick or Treat!" greeting ring out clearly. Before too long, we heard him add something. At first I thought he said, 'Me, too!' Listening more carefully as he spoke to the next friendly neighbor, I realized he was actually asking for, "Two!" So we had a suppressed chuckle over that, and then realized he was consistent about his... request and so we had a little chat about how he should just smile and say, "Thank you!" but shouldn't ask for two. His response was, "OK, need three!"

Thankfully he's cute enough to get away with greediness until we can get the message across :).

Halloween Story: Isabel

by Clara Seltzer, 7 years old


(if you click on it, the page will expand to legible dimensions)

Noticing an unwillingness to accept...

Lately I am getting back into yoga and meditation at the start of my day, thanks to inspiration from my sis. There truly is something nurturing and calming about paying attention to the breath (life itself) and simply being and noticing it.

In some respects, my life situation is taking its sweet time sorting itself out peacefully and productively in the wake of Mom's passing. In other ways, it marches on right on schedule. Some changes this journey brings are most unwelcome. It has been eye-opening to learn about myself how difficult it can be to accept life as it comes. Logically, what can be done besides accepting what is? Somehow within me there is a lot of strong refusal to accept certain aspects of reality. It is a curious thing to observe.

Here's what I read about that in Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living:
"If you are mindful as emotional storms occur, perhaps you will see in yourself an unwillingness to accept things as they already are, whether you like them or not. Perhaps that part of you that does see this has, in one way or another, already come to terms with what has happened or with your situation. Perhaps, at the same time, it recognizes that your feelings still need to play themselves out, that they are not ready to accept or to calm down, and that this is all right."

SILC Dance Performance

Minor Tragedy

Recently Eliana decided she wanted to do a living biology experiment. With her allowance one week she bought a small female betta fish and put it in the vase with her large male crown betta fish, Ringo (our spazzy fast swimmer). Her hope was that maybe baby fish would eventually be the result of this pairing. We cautioned her that Scarlet may not survive the experiment, but that we thought the aggression usually happened between two males with their fancy fins to intimidate one another, so sweet, teeny little Scarlet might be okay.

Well, Ringo was about 5 times the size of little Scarlet, and swam after her in such a way that made her feel pursued and frightened with it. To escape from the monster, she buried herself under the glass marbles at the base of their environment, and got trapped. Several times. We put her back in her original container until we could get her set up in her own little home, thinking she would be much happier without feeling like prey.

Before we could get her settled, to welcome Elli and her friends home from school the next day, Scarlet started to emit a cloudy white substance all around her head. And very soon after, died :(. The girls prayed about it, and felt very sad that she didn't survive. The next morning the kids held a funeral for Scarlet and though there was discussion about cryogenically freezing the dearly departed until spring when she could be placed in her final resting place, she was instead sent to a watery grave. Sadly, after a few days Ringo got the white fuzzy stuff too, which after researching I now believe was flexibacter infection. He died too.

The sad part is, Elli is the one who was so excited to bring fish to live with us, and she is the one who feeds them and spurs us to change their water. She even sometimes just sits with the vase watching the movements and speaking to the fish. Initially she said she didn't want a replacement, but now she is ready to get a new one.

Ah, the ebb and flow of life is a mysterious thing, and difficult to come to terms with.